30+ Irish One-Liner Jokes Your Ultimate Collection(Try Not To Laugh)

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Yes, you are in the right place, I am here to share over 30 Irish one-liner jokes with you. 

In the past, I have done much longer Irish jokes. They are great, don’t get me wrong. But sometimes you just want a short one-liner Irish joke. 

And if you were to memorize all of these one-liner Irish jokes you would be very funny at a party. 

Keep in mind some are very cheesy! But enjoy it nonetheless.

But enough let’s get to the best Irish one-liner jokes: 

1. Knock Knock!
   Who’s there?
   Ireland!
   Ireland who?
   Ireland you money, if you promise to pay me back.
2. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe in Ireland?
   Some poor horse is going barefoot.
3. Are people jealous of the Irish?
   Yeah, they’re green with envy.
4. How do you know if an Irishman is having a good time?
   He’s Dublin over with laughter.
5. Two Irishmen, Pat and Murphy, saw a sign saying “Tree fellers” wanted. Murphy said to Pat, said, ‘If only Seamus had been with us we’d have got that job.’
6. Murphy was arrested and sent for trial for armed bank robbery. After due deliberation, the jury foreman stood up and announced, ‘Not guilty.’ ‘That’s grand,’ shouted Murphy, ‘Does that mean I get to keep the money?’
7. What do you call an Irish fella trying to break up a fight?
   Liam Malone.
8. How do we know that Christ was Irish?
   A. Because he was 33 still lived at home thought his mother was a virgin and she thought he was the son of God.
9. Paddy told Murphy that his wife was driving him to drink.
   Murphy considers him to be very lucky. His wife makes him walk.
10. What do you call a big Irish spider?
    A Paddy long legs.
11. What’s Irish and stays out all night?
    Paddy O’furniture.
12. What do you call a big Irish spider?
    A Paddy long legs.
13. What do you call an Irishman covered in boils? – Irish One Liner Jokes
    A leper-chaun.
14. Paddy and Seamus have just opened a new restaurant on the moon.  It serves great cheese dishes, but the atmosphere is terrible.
15. Seamus, do you understand French?
    Ah, I do if it’s spoken in Irish.
16. ‘I’m the unluckiest person in the whole world,’ moaned Betty McGrath.
    ‘I bought a non-stick pan and can’t get the label off.’
17. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
    A Murder Suspect.
18. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
    Cos they’re always a little short.
19. Knock Knock
    Who’s there?
    Irish!
    Irish who?
    Irish you a Happy St Patricks Day!
20. An American lawyer asked, “Paddy, why is it that whenever I ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?
    “Who told you that?” asked Paddy.
21. 
22. How can Irish people tell when it’s summer?
    The rain gets warmer
23. A Texan rancher comes to Ireland and meets a Kerry farmer.
    The Texan says : “Takes me a whole goddam day to drive from one side of my ranch to the other.”
    The Kerry farmer says:”Ah sure, I know, sir. We have tractors like that over here too.”
24. Paddy says to Mary if you were stranded on a desert island who would you like most to be with you?”“My uncle Mick” replies Paddy.“What’s so special about him?” asks Mary.“He’s got a boat,” says Paddy
25. The barman says to Paddy “Your glass is empty, fancy another one?”
    Lookin’ puzzled Paddy says “Why know would i be needed two empty feckin glasses?
26. Paddy went to the Doc’s today and said: “do you treat alcoholics.” The Dr replied, “of course we do”………Paddy said “great get your coat on, I’m feckin skint – best Irish joke one liners
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30. What do you call a fake Irish stone?
    A shamrock

Bonus: 

A priest is driving back to Dublin when he gets pulled over for speeding.
The Garda approaches the window and sees an empty wine bottle in the passenger’s seat.
The priest rolls down the window and a strong smell of wine wafts out.
“Have you been drinking, Father?” asks the Garda.
“Just water,” replied the priest.
“I can smell wine, Father,” said the Garda.
The priest looks from the bottle to the heavens. “Good Lord, he’s done it again!”

I hope you have enjoyed these lovely and funny one-liner Irish jokes. 

I have a whole section dedicated to Irish jokes here and some eggcellent Easter jokes here.

Also, I am on Youtube. You can subscribe here. 

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