Three of the best St Patrick’s Day jokes. Why shouldn’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? They’re always a little short. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe on St Patrick’s Day? Some horse lost its shoe. Why do the Irish answer a question with a question? I don’t think we do, do we?
A St Patrick’s Day joke is like the shamrock pinned to your coat. It’s small, it’s a bit corny, and nobody leaves the house without one.
Here are 120 of them, clean enough for the classroom, the office and the granny. Some are old favourites from my earlier posts. Over 50 are new to this page. Where a joke leans on a myth, I’ve put the real story underneath.
St Patrick’s Day 2027 falls on Wednesday 17 March. In the National Retail Federation’s 2026 survey, 60% of Americans said they planned to celebrate. That’s a lot of people in need of a decent joke.
Jump to: Best | Leprechauns | Shamrocks | St Patrick | Clean Irish jokes | Pub | Kids | Knock-knocks | Puns and one-liners | Riddles | FAQ | More
The best St Patrick’s Day jokes
Are people jealous of the Irish? Yeah, they’re green with envy.
Short ones first, then a few longer ones for the table.
What does it mean if you find a horseshoe on St Patrick’s Day?
Some horse lost its shoe.
That one is my favourite, and I’m not taking questions.
Why do the Irish always answer a question with another question?
I don’t think we do, do we?
Are people jealous of the Irish?
Yeah, they’re green with envy.
What do the Irish say when you tell them Bono is your favourite singer?
“You too?”
“Mom, I met an Irish boy at the parade in Boston.”
“Oh, really?”
“No, O’Reilly!”
The Kerryman at Shannon Airport
A Kerryman and an American are waiting at Shannon Airport. “I’m here to meet my brother,” says the Kerryman. “It’s his first trip home from America in forty years.”
“Will you recognise him?” asks the American.
“I’m sure I won’t, after all these years.”
“Will he recognise you?”
“Of course he will. Sure, I haven’t been away at all.”
The jaywalkers
The Gardaí stop two Irishmen for jaywalking on St Patrick’s Day. “Name?” the guard asks the first. “O’Connor.” “Address?” “No fixed abode.”
He turns to the second man. “And you?”
“Murphy. I live in the flat above him.”
The doctor’s diagnosis
Seán tells Dr O’Brien, “Doctor, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home’.”
“That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
“It’s not unusual.”
The blind horse
An American tourist sees a fine horse on a farm. “I’ll give you 500 euro for him.” “He doesn’t look so good,” says the farmer, “and he’s not for sale.”
“He looks grand to me. I’ll give you a thousand.” “Well, if you want him that much, he’s yours.”
Next day the tourist is back, raging. “You sold me a blind horse!”
“Now, didn’t I tell you he didn’t look so good?”
The Gardaí are the Irish police. A guard is one officer.
Leprechaun jokes
Why shouldn’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? Because they’re always a little short.
The word leprechaun comes from the Middle Irish lúchorpán, traditionally “small body”, as the Irish Times has explained. In folklore, as the Schools’ Collection records, he’s the fairies’ shoemaker. He was never a cereal mascot. Here’s the real leprechaun folklore if you want it.
Why shouldn’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
They’re always a little short.
How did the leprechaun win the race?
He took a shortcut.
Why do leprechauns make great secretaries?
They’re brilliant at shorthand.
Where would you find a leprechaun baseball team?
In the little league.
And what position do they all play?
Shortstop.
Why are leprechauns brilliant at golf?
They have a great short game.
Why won’t a leprechaun walk to Tipperary?
It’s a long way, and he has very short legs.
What do you get when two leprechauns have a chat?
A lot of small talk.
What do you call a leprechaun who’s been sent to jail?
A lepre-con.
And who catches the lepre-cons?
The under-clover cops.
What do you call a leprechaun’s holiday home?
A lepre-condo. Golden jacuzzi, obviously.
What do you call leprechauns who collect cans, old newspapers and plastic bottles?
Wee-cyclers.
Why are leprechauns so worried about climate change?
They’re very into green living.
Why did the leprechaun climb over the rainbow?
To get to the other side.
Why did the leprechaun turn down a bowl of soup?
He already had a pot of gold.
What did the naughty leprechaun get for St Patrick’s Day?
A pot of coal.
Why did the leprechaun stand on the coin?
He wanted to make some cents.
What do you call a leprechaun who gives away his gold?
Fictional.
How can you tell a leprechaun likes your joke?
He’s Dublin over with laughter.
What’s a leprechaun’s favourite breakfast cereal?
Lucky Charms.
What kind of music do leprechauns love?
Sham-rock ‘n’ roll. They air guitar to Thin Lizzy.
How does a leprechaun work out?
He bench-presses his luck.
What’s a leprechaun’s favourite exercise class?
Jig-lates. That’s jigging and Pilates.
Why don’t leprechauns go running?
They’d rather jig than jog.
Why is a leprechaun never out of work?
The fairies dance all night, and somebody has to fix the shoes.
Why does a leprechaun keep his gold at the end of the rainbow?
It’s the only place in Ireland he can afford the rent.
Shamrock and four-leaf clover jokes
A shamrock has three leaves. A four-leaf clover isn’t a shamrock at all, just a clover that got lucky.
Why do people wear shamrocks on St Patrick’s Day?
Regular rocks are too heavy.
Why should you never iron a four-leaf clover?
You don’t want to press your luck.
How is a good friend like a four-leaf clover?
They’re hard to find.
What’s the difference between Irish wisdom and Irish luck?
One is clever. The other is clover.
What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?
A rash of good luck.
Why did the four-leaf clover leave home?
The family said it was getting above itself.
Why did the shamrock fail its maths test?
It could only count to three.
What did the shamrock say when the botanist couldn’t name it?
“I’m whatever clover you want me to be.”
That last one is true. There’s no single shamrock plant. When botanist Charles Nelson surveyed it in 1988, people named several different clovers as shamrock, the Irish Times reports.
Why does the Taoiseach bring the President a bowl of shamrock every March?
You can’t fit a pot of gold in the hand luggage.
The Taoiseach is the Irish prime minister. Shamrock has been presented to the US President since the 1950s, according to the Irish Times.
And Patrick teaching the Trinity with a shamrock? It’s a later legend. Its first known appearance in print is from 1726, according to Dublin’s Edward Worth Library. Here’s how the shamrock became the symbol of St Patrick’s Day.
Jokes about St Patrick himself
The man himself, and a few myths he’d want corrected.
Why did St Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
He couldn’t afford the plane fare.
Why were there no snakes for St Patrick to drive out?
They took one look at the weather and never came.
That second one is closer to the truth. “There was nothing for St Patrick to banish,” Nigel Monaghan of the National Museum of Ireland told National Geographic in 2014. Ireland was too cold for reptiles after the ice age, then the sea cut it off.
What’s the most Irish thing about St Patrick?
He was born in Britain, and we claimed him anyway. We do the same with American presidents.
Patrick was born in Roman Britain. He was captured at about sixteen and spent six years herding sheep in Ireland as a slave. That’s from his own writings, which the Royal Irish Academy has put online. Here’s the real story behind St Patrick’s Day.
Why did St Patrick use a shamrock and not a four-leaf clover?
He was teaching the Trinity, not the Lotto.
Why did St Patrick open a cobbler’s?
He was already in the business of saving soles.
What was St Patrick’s favourite colour?
Blue. Don’t tell anyone in Boston.
Blue was his traditional colour, folklorist Marion McGarry writes for RTÉ. Green took over from the late 1700s, as the colour of Irish nationalism.
Why was the first St Patrick’s Day parade held in Florida?
It had an Irish priest and Spanish weather. Best of both.
That’s real. Historian J. Michael Francis found a St Patrick’s procession in Spanish St Augustine in 1601. The local vicar was an Irishman, Richard Arthur. The Irish Times calls it the first recorded St Patrick’s parade. New York’s first parade came in 1762.
Who is St Patrick’s favourite superhero?
The Green Lantern.
What do you call a leprechaun’s prank on 17 March?
A saint pat-trick.
Clean Irish jokes for St Patrick’s Day
These are about the day as it really goes at home. A jumper is a sweater, and the mammy is in charge.
What does an Irish mammy bring to the St Patrick’s Day parade?
A flask, sandwiches for six, a rain jacket and a spare coat for you. You’re 43.
What’s the most dangerous thing at an Irish parade?
A mammy with a safety pin and a fistful of shamrock, coming straight for your good jumper.
Why does every small-town Irish parade have a tractor in it?
Somebody’s uncle offered, and you can’t say no to him.
Why are Irish parades never rained off?
If we cancelled for rain, we’d never have had one.
What’s the forecast for St Patrick’s Day in Ireland?
Sunshine, rain, hail, sunshine again. And that’s just the first float.
How many Irish people does it take to watch a parade?
Four. One to watch and three to say it was better last year.
What does a Corkman call the Dublin parade?
The second-best parade in Ireland.
Dublin readers can write in. We’ll read it eventually.
How does an Irish person describe the best St Patrick’s Day of their life?
“Ah, it was grand.”
How do you spot the real Irish at the New York parade?
They’re the only ones not dressed as leprechauns.
Why do the Irish abroad love St Patrick’s Day?
You can travel 10,000 miles and still meet a fella who knows your cousin.
What’s the fastest-growing group in the world every 17 March?
People who are a quarter Irish.
What’s the difference between Paddy and Patty?
One is a saint. The other comes with cheese and pickles.
A few gentle pub jokes
Just a few, and nobody falls off a stool.
What did the leprechaun say when offered a Jameson on St Patrick’s Day?
“It’s worth a shot.”
Why does a trad session never finish on time?
Every tune is “just one more”.
Why do the Irish throw the shamrock over their shoulder after the toast?
It’s the only way to stop the mammy pinning it back on.
That’s “drowning the shamrock”. You toast St Patrick, then toss the shamrock over your shoulder for luck, RTÉ Brainstorm explains. Find the words for it in my top 10 Irish toasts.
St Patrick’s Day jokes for kids
Every child’s first St Patrick’s Day joke: Irish you a happy St Patrick’s Day!
Short, clean and built for the lunchbox note or the classroom. The groan is half the fun.
Why do frogs love St Patrick’s Day?
They’re always wearing green.
What do you call a spider on St Patrick’s Day?
Paddy long legs.
When is an Irish potato not an Irish potato?
When it’s a French fry.
What kind of bow can’t be tied?
A rainbow. And I still don’t have a pot of gold.
When does a leprechaun cross the road?
When the light turns green.
How did the leprechaun get to the moon?
In a sham-rocket.
What’s long and green and only comes out once a year?
The St Patrick’s Day parade.
What do you call a leprechaun with a cold?
A lepre-choo!
What’s a leprechaun’s favourite subject at school?
Gold-ography.
What do you call a snake in Ireland?
Lost.
What did the shamrock say to the four-leaf clover?
“Stop showing off.”
What do Irish cows say on St Patrick’s Day?
“Top o’ the moo-rning!”
What does a leprechaun do on a rainy day?
Waits for the rainbow. In Ireland, that’s never a long wait.
What do you call an Irish dancer who can’t stop?
A reel problem.
Why was the Irish dancer never late?
She was never one to drag her feet.
St Patrick’s Day knock-knock jokes
Knock knock. Who’s there? Pat. Pat who? Pat the dust off your shoes, we’re going to the St Patrick’s Day party!
Read them in an Irish accent and half of them start working.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Irish.
Irish who?
Irish you a happy St Patrick’s Day!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Irish.
Irish who?
Irish you’d kiss me!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Irish.
Irish who?
Irish stew in the name of the law!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Warren.
Warren who?
Warren anything green today?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Potto.
Potto who?
Pot o’ gold!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Saint.
Saint who?
Saint no time for questions, open the door!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Pat.
Pat who?
Pat the dust off your shoes, we’re going to the St Patrick’s Day party!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Erin.
Erin who?
Erin so fast, but I couldn’t catch the leprechaun!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Clover.
Clover who?
Clover here and give me a hand with this pot of gold.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Kerry.
Kerry who?
Kerry me in, my feet are killing me after the parade.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Tara.
Tara who?
Tara-ble weather for a parade. Let me in!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Liam.
Liam who?
Liam alone, I’m looking for a leprechaun.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Fergus.
Fergus who?
Fergus-ness sake, open the door, the parade’s starting!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Annie.
Annie who?
Annie-body seen my green hat?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Niall.
Niall who?
Niall down, I can’t see the parade over you!
St Patrick’s Day puns and one-liners
The really bad ones. You’ve been warned.
Short enough for a card, a caption or the office chat.
What should you say to someone running a marathon on St Patrick’s Day?
“Irish you luck!”
What’s Dwayne Johnson called on St Patrick’s Day?
The Sham-Rock.
Why did the baker pour cola into her mixer?
She was making soda bread.
What sandwiches do they serve on St Patrick’s Day?
Paddy melts.
Why can’t Irish golfers ever finish a game on St Patrick’s Day?
They won’t leave the green.
Shamrock: a clover with a good agent.
A leprechaun is just a small man with a big savings plan.
St Patrick’s Day is the one day you can wear a giant green hat and nobody asks if you’re feeling all right.
On 17 March, everyone’s Irish. On 18 March, everyone’s tired.
Finding a four-leaf clover is lucky. Spending three hours on your knees in a wet Irish field to find one is not.
Every town in Ireland has a St Patrick’s Day parade. In some, there are more people in it than watching it.
Chicago dyes its river green every St Patrick’s Day. In Ireland, we just wait for the fields to do it.
Chicago has dyed its river green most years since 1962, the Irish Times reported in 2019. The vegetable dye goes in orange and turns green.
St Patrick’s Day riddles with answers
Give everyone a minute before you read the answer.
What is a nuahcerpel?
Leprechaun spelt backwards.
Where will you always find a shamrock?
In the dictionary.
I have a pot but I never cook, gold but I never spend, and a rainbow that never stays still. Who am I?
A leprechaun.
What has four leaves, brings luck, and is never a shamrock?
A four-leaf clover.
I’m green, I’m small, I’m pinned to your chest, and I’m wilting by lunchtime. What am I?
The shamrock on your good coat.
What has three leaves, no flowers, and gets more attention in one day than the rest of the year put together?
Shamrock.
What goes up the parade route and down the parade route but never moves?
The street.
What can you catch at a parade in March but never throw?
A cold.
The more of me you take, the more you leave behind. What am I?
Footsteps. Ideally a leprechaun’s.
What do a rainbow and an Irish summer have in common?
You’ll see both for about ten minutes.
St Patrick’s Day jokes FAQ
What is the best St Patrick’s Day joke?
My favourite is “What does it mean if you find a horseshoe on St Patrick’s Day? Some horse lost its shoe.” For kids, the leprechaun who’s “always a little short” never fails.
What are good St Patrick’s Day jokes for kids?
Short puns they can work out themselves, like lepre-choo, Paddy long legs and the sham-rocket. Knock-knocks work best in a classroom, because the whole room shouts the answer.
What are some clean Irish jokes for St Patrick’s Day?
Stick to puns, leprechauns and the weather. Everything on this page is family-friendly, and the Irish mammy jokes go down well at any table.
Is it St Paddy’s Day or St Patty’s Day?
Paddy. It comes from Pádraig, the Irish for Patrick, and the day is Lá Fhéile Pádraig in Irish. Patty is a different name, or a burger.
More St Patrick’s Day reading and Irish jokes
- St Patrick’s Day Facts
- St Patrick’s Day Blessings
- Danny Boy for St Patrick’s Day
- Irish Sayings
- Irish Jokes (a few are rude)
- Funny Irish Jokes (some for grown-ups only)
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Virginia Varela
Tuesday 14th of March 2023
Q: How do you tell a house is Irish?
A: By it's PAT'IO furniture.