No matter what day you are reading this, I am sure you won’t make it through these jokes without laughing. We all know St Patrick’s day is on March 17, so I have a whole section dedicated to it.
Below is my selection of the best and funniest Irish jokes for St Patrick’s day; enjoy!
If you enjoy this post, I encourage you to share and have a great St Patrick’s day!
- How can you spot a jealous Shamrock?? It will be GREEN with envy!
- But why do the Irish always answer a question with another question?
I don’t think we do, do we? 😂
- Why do frogs love St. Patrick’s Day? They’re always wearing green
- Knock-knock! Who’s there? Irish. Irish who? Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
- Why shouldn’t you press a four-leaf clover? Because you don’t want to press your luck!
- Knock-knock! Who’s there? Warren. Warren who? Warren anything green for St. Patrick’s Day?
- Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? Regular rocks are too heavy.
- Why did the leprechaun climb over the rainbow? To get to the other side!
- What do you call a leprechaun who gets sent to jail? A lepre-con!
How is a good friend like a four-leaf clover? They’re hard to find! More Irish sayings here.
- What do you call leprechauns who collect aluminium cans, used newspapers and plastic bottles? Wee-Cyclers
- Why shouldn’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? Because they’re always a little short.
- How did the leprechaun win the race? He took a shortcut.
- What do ghosts drink on St. Patrick’s Day? BOOOOs
- What do you call a spider that you find on St Patrick’s day? Paddy long legs
- How can you tell if a leprechaun likes your joke? How?
He’s Dublin over with laughter!
- Why did the leprechaun turn down a bowl of soup on St Patrick’s day? Because he already had a pot of gold!
- A tourist is in Cork but wants to go to Dublin for the St. Patrick’s Day celebrations. He stops Paddy in the street and asks him, “Excuse me, can you tell me the quickest way to Dublin?”Paddy says, “Are you on foot or in the car?”The tourist says, “In the car.”Paddy says, “That’s the quickest way.”
- Why do leprechauns make great secretaries? They’re good at shorthand.
- Do people get jealous of the Irish? Yes, they’re green with envy!
- When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? When it’s a French fry
- Where would you find a leprechaun baseball team? In little league
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Potto.Potto who?Potto gold.
- What do Irishmen say when you tell them Bono is your favourite singer? You too?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Saint.Saint who?Saint no time for questions; open the door!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Irish.Irish who?Irish stew in the name of the law.
- Who is St. Patrick’s favourite superhero? The Green Lantern
- What should you say to someone running a marathon on St Patrick’s day? Irish, you luck!
- What kind of music do leprechauns love? Sham-rock.
- What did the naughty leprechaun get for St Patrick’s day? A pot of coal!
- Who catches the Lepre-cons? Under-clover cops!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Erin. Erin who? Erin go bragh!
- What is Dwayne Johnson’s name on St Patrick’s Day? The Sham-Rock.
What does it mean if you find a horseshoe on the floor on St Patrick’s day!? Some horse lost its shoe! <- My fav of my St Patrick’s day jokes
- Where can you always find a shamrock? In the dictionary.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Pat. Pat who? Pat the dust off your shoes because we are going to the St. Patrick’s Day party!
- Why cant Irish golfers ever end a game on St Patrick’s day? They refuse to leave the green.
- Why are leprechauns so concerned about global warming? They’re really into green living.
- Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? Because real rocks are too heavy
- Mom, I met an Irish boy on St. Patrick’s Day. Oh, really? No, O’Reilly!
- How did the Irish Jig get started? Too much water to drink and not enough restrooms!
- What do you get when two leprechauns have a conversation? A lot of small talk
- What do you call a leprechaun’s vacation home on St Patrick’s day? A lepre-condo
- What’s long and green and only shows up once a year? The St. Patrick’s Day parade
- What did one Irish ghost say to the other? Top O’ the mooooaning to you
- When does a leprechaun cross the street? When it turns green!
- How did the leprechaun get to the moon? A sham-rocket!
- Paddy walked into a bar on St. Patrick’s Day and started ordering martini after martini. He removed the olives and put them in a jar with each drink. When the jar was filled with olives, and he’d finished all the drinks, Paddy started to leave.As he did so, a curious customer asked him, “Excuse me, but what was that all about?”“Nothing really,” replied Paddy, “My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.”
- Why did St. Patrick DRIVE all the snakes out of Ireland? He couldn’t afford plane fare😂
Are people jealous of the Irish? Yeah, they’re green with envy. From cheesy Irish jokes
- What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? A rash of good luck.
- What’s a leprechaun’s favourite cereal? Lucky Charms
- An Irish priest is driving down to New York for the St. Patrick’s Day parade and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car, so he asks the priest, “Sir, have you been drinking?” Just water,” says the priest.“Then why do I smell wine?”The priest looks at the bottle, picks it up, sniffs it and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”
- An old and one of the best Irish jokes:
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why, of course,” comes the reply.
The first man then asks: “Where are you from?” “I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man. The first man responds: “You don’t say I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.” “Of Course,” replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?” “Dublin,” comes the reply. “I can’t believe it,” says the first man. “I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin.” “Of course,” replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes, and the first man asks: “What school did you go to?” “Saint Mary’s,” replies the second man. “I graduated in ’65.” “This is unbelievable!” the first man says. “I went to Saint Mary’s and graduated in ’65, too!”
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
“What’s been going on?” he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again.”
- What did the leprechaun ask on St Patrick’s day? Q. Jameson on St. Patrick’s Day? It’s worth a shot!
- What’s the best position for leprechauns to play on a baseball team? Shortstop
- What do you call a fake Irish diamond? A shamrock
- How does a leprechaun work out?By bench-pressing his luck
- The police stopped two Irishmen for jaywalking on St Patrick’s Day.“Name?” says the policeman to the first one.“O’Connor”, he replies.“Address?” asks the policeman.“No fixed abode,” says O’Connor.
The policeman turns to the second Irishman.
“And you?” he asked.
The second Irishman replies, “Murphy and I live in the flat above him….”
Irish patient to the fellow in the next bed, “Look, the doctor’s coming round soon. Try to cheer him up because he’s very worried about you.”
- Sean says to Dr O’Brian, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.” Hmm”, says Dr O’Brian- “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”
“Is it common? asks Sean.
“It’s not unusual.”
- The American tourist passed by a farm and saw a beautiful horse. Hoping to buy the animal, he said to the farmer: “I think your horse looks pretty good, so I’ll give you 500 Euro for him.” “He doesn’t look so good, and he’s not for sale,” the farmer said. The tourist insisted, “I think he looks just fine, and I’ll up the price to 1,000 Euro. “He doesn’t look so good,” the farmer said, “but if you want him that much, he’s yours.” The next day the tourist came back in a rage. He went up to the farmer and screamed, “You sold me a blind horse. You cheated me!” The farmer calmly replied, “Now, how could that be? I told you he didn’t look so good, didn’t I?”
- From my weekly dose of Irish email newsletter: There were two nuns. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark, and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It’s logical. He wants to have his way with us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate, he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do is to walk faster.
SM: It’s not working.
SL: Of course, it’s not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate, he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split up. You go that way, and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn’t follow us both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could, and he started to run as fast as he could.
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my skirt.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his trousers.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn’t it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his trousers down!
And for those of you who thought this would be off-colour, say two Hail Marys!
- Why did the baker pour Coke into her bread mixer? She was trying to make soda bread!
- What’s the difference between Irish wisdom and Irish luck? One is clever. The other is clover.
- A Kerryman and an American were sitting at the Shannon Airport.
“I’ve come to meet me brother”, said the Kerryman, “he’s due to fly in
from America in an hour’s time. It’s his first trip home in forty
“Will you be able to recognize him?” asked the American.
“I’m sure I won’t”, said the Kerryman, “after all these years.”
“I wonder if he will recognize you?” said the American.
“Of course, he will”. Said the Kerryman, “sure, I haven’t been away at all.”
- “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Irish.” “Irish who?” “Irish, you’d kiss me!”
- What would St. Patrick order to drink at a Chinese restaurant? Green tea
- Why was the leprechaun sad on March 18th because St Patrick’s day was over!
- What do you call a leprechaun prank? A saint pat-trick.
- What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? He gets wet, haha what were you expecting?
- A Swiss man on holiday in Dublin needed directions. He was standing outside Murphy’s Pub when he saw two youths walking by, so he stopped and asked them, “Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?”The two lads looked at each other blankly and then stared back at him.”Excusez-moi, parlez vous Français ?'” he tries.The two continue to stare.“Parlare Italiano?” Still absolutely no response from the two lads.
“Hablan ustedes Espanol?” The Dublin lads remain silent.
The Swiss guy walks off, disappointed. One of the boys turned to the second and said, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language!”
“Why?” says the other youth, “That guy knew four languages, and look what good it did him!”
- An American lawyer asked, “Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question? “Who told you that?” asked Paddy.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Erin. Erin who? Erin so fast, but I couldn’t catch the leprechaun!
- What type of sandwiches should they serve on St. Patrick’s Day? Paddy melts!
- On St Patrick’s day late at night, Paddy was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. ‘What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?’ asked the police officer. ‘I’m on my way to a lecture,’ answered Paddy.‘And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year’s day?’ enquired the constable sarcastically.
‘My wife,’ slurred Paddy grimly.
When does a leprechaun cross the road? When it’s green!
I sure hope you enjoyed the St Patrick’s day jokes.
Have a great St Patrick’s day, and if you know any more St Patrick’s day jokes, be sure to comment below with them. I am also on YouTube with a few videos here.